wow i can't believe it.. i'm still in denial about the fact that summer is OVER and that school is TOMORROW! School didn't even start yet but i'm already panicking and stressing about what to do with the school year, and having college come around the corner.. i am really scared to be honest! like i don't think i've ever been more scared of anything in my life than senior year.. I realize that for the past few years, i've really screwed around and didn't take things seriously. now i need to pull all my weight together and finally give it my all on my one final stand. No more screwing around, no more slacking off, but i'm gonna give it my ALL! i'm more than determined to make it through this year with a success.


btw, check out the vids on the side ---> by gwen and me :] HELP PROMOTE US SO WE CAN BECOME RICH! lol!!!!



So i got a package in the mail from kari dongseng!! and it was my belated bday gift! (yes i know it's been a while but i understand why it took her so long lol). so when i open the box, i see HAPPY BIRTHDAY OPPA written all over in korean haha. we're korean freaks so stfu haha! i open all the presents and they were all so cute especially this one bear haha. a penquin keychain that idk what the name of it is LOL. a necklace that resembles me so much ;] and notes stuff haha. the best part though was the smiley hat that none other than tae yang has! and i'm in LOVEEE with it! omg i'm admiring it to no end! and i can't believe she made it too! omg that's BEYOND pro status haha!


so i just got an itouch yesterday haha! it's so much fun!! damn but it's the 8gb and as i was syncing my itunes to it, gb's kept being used up like crazy so i'm just scared that i'm not gonna have enough room with this lol.. but oh well! we'll see what happens. this is probably the only happy thing on this post lol..

i freakin fell in love with these lyrics.. the ONLY good song from big bangs japan album, or for the whole time they were in japan for that matter. i've been learning this song, and hell it's hard singing it knowing what the lyrics mean.. kills me on the inside, but i just can't stop! this song holds such a powerful message to it. whaaaa i'm over this lol. gotta start getting rap or something LOL!


One of the very few big bang songs from their japanese debut that i actually like! well only tae yang and daesungs part LOL. seriously if you listen to it, you hear such a powerful vibe to it, and seriously it gave me hardcore goosebumps/chills! luckily they're back in korea now so back to the old non-autotune techno days! haha.


This weekend was by far the BESTTTTTT weekend EVER! i love it so much, and it took away all the stress i had on my life. i didn't worry over ONE thing the whole weekend! well maybe the end of saturday but that was just stupid.. let's start off with saturday shall we??


So i just realized that school is already coming around the corner.. that's really depressing! i do NOT want to go to school already T.T so lately i've been HELLA busy with stuff. seriously the days need to extend to like 48 hours instead of 24 because there isn't enough hours in the day for me to do half the things i want to do. plans here and there and it's killing me because i don't have time to sort things out.. ahhhhh wait till school comes around -__-





Again, late at night and i can't find myself to fall asleep. Lately these nights i've been staying up pretty late. I'm not just trying to occupy my time because it's summer. More of that i'm trying to avoid something. trying to avoid drifting into deep thoughts i know will ache me into the deep middle of the night. even now when i'm wide awake, the thought of you comes running through my mind. i can't seem to erase the memories, the pain, the hold you have on my heart. no matter how many times i try, no matter what i do, i can't get you out of my head. i try occupying myself by going out, having fun to get my mind off the matter, but when i come home from all that and lay on my bed, you're there again.











This happened on sunday night, but i didn't get around to writing it up until now. It was the night we were leaving a restaurant for my moms birthday dinner, and we stopped by a gas station to refill before we left. My dad pointed out "hey guys, is that old lady really homeless over there?" and sure enough, it was this elderly vietnamese lady standing alone by herself. Just a note, i love elders. They are the sweetest things in the whole world, and seeing a vietnamese elder like that was enough to tear me apart. My dad decided to give her money, but as he was about to go out, i said that i wanted to go instead. As i was walking up to her, i was trying as hard as i can not to start falling apart in front of her. When i got up to her, i asked her "excuse me, but are you alright?" (yes it's a stupid question cuz of course she's not, but if you were in my situation i doubt you'd know what to say either). She seldomly nods and turns away. I asked her "would you please accept this?" as i handed her the 10 dollar bill, and she turns to me and said "no thank you." (note:this convo was all in vietnamese lol). Really wanting to help her, i insisted "would you please take this? it would make me feel very happy and at ease if you would." She looks at me again, takes the money from my hand and quietly said thank you as she turns away. Regretfully i could do nothing more but leave, but as i started to leave, i found myself crying. There was just so much more that i wanted to do for her, and it hurt me more knowing that all those people were around, but no one bothered to do anything.

Doing something like that for someone made me feel extremely happy. A lot happier than getting any gift that i wanted, and after i got home, i couldn't help but think about her. Wondering if she was alright, how she would get through the night alone. It really pains me because i did not want to leave her. Honestly i just wanted to hug her and tell her everything would be fine. I know there are countless people out there who are less fortunate than me, but getting up close and feeling their pain, it really opens your mind to a lot about life. Even after days passed i still find myself wonder how she is, or where she is. How reality is treating her. How anyone could leave her alone like that. The things i wish i could've done..


Alright so recently i've been trying to make an mp3 cover for "officially missing you" and my original song "what did i do" and i've been finding that i'm having a hell of a time doing this lol! Mainly because i don't have any of the instrumentals. If ANYONEEE has any REAL recording equipment, be a good pal and help me out :] or if not, i'm pretty sure a lot of you know what homestudio is, so if you guys know a way to get it for free (aka illegally lol..) also help me out :] summer is closing to an end, and idk what time i'll have to do this when school starts, so it's gonna be best if i can get this sorta help within this month. thanks all!