So my last post today was just me throwing a random tantrum as i've been doing all day. i've been in a really bad mood after the extraction of my wisdom teeth and i'm just taking everything out on the next physical thing i see. ughhh this week is gonna be a living hell for me -__-

Despite my numerous tantrums i've been throwing, i've also been doing a lot of thinking. and i mean A LOT. not just my usual questioning, but i'm thinking about things so hard, looking at every possible explanation, every possible reason that could be out there. i'm not gonna go into much detail about what's going on, because this is something i'm keeping to myself, and only myself. But still, i just gotta get it out of my head.

All the songs that go through my head always seem to remind me of the situation i'm in. no matter what song i've been playing through my playlist (which consists of r&b songs), it brings me right back to where i am right now. i'm so angry at myself. so angry at the world for making things this way. so angry at the fact i can't do anything about it. no matter how many times i go about it, i know what the answer is. so why am i still killing myself over it? no this isn't about what happened a couple months back. i think i'm actually starting to forget it. (thank the lord). but this?! this goes back YEARS now! the numerous times i fucked up. the numerous times i still never forgot about it. suddenly all the conversations i've had with all my friends about this is pouring right back in my face right now. that one question someone asked me.. keeps replaying in my head over and over. at that time i gave you an answer. now i'm deciding to take it all back.

i'm on the verge of tears right now. especially the song i've been trying to write. the lyrics reflect everything that's been going on. writing it is one of the most difficult things i can be doing right now. the days back then.. the real days when i was happy. now i'm looking at things now, looking at all the countless people that go through your life. looking at how they're not worth it. looking at how you're getting hurt. looking at how i'm not a part of your life anymore. damn it all.
"Lies(acoustic)-BigBang"and my new song"What Did I do-Brandon Ho"