This quote has been going through my head so many times. It keeps replaying in my mind, and it holds such a special meaning i don't even know how to describe it.

So lately i've been having a good life, but unfortunately for my life, that doesn't last too long, and i guess this is where it ends i suppose.. So close friends that i have seem to be going against me.. i can't put my finger on it, but as the days pass, i find that we are growing distant. At first i thought i was just over analyzing things so i chose not to deal with it. However now it seems to be getting worse, and i think i made the mistake by waiting so long to confront it.. The longer things drag on, the harder it is to fix it, and trust me, of all the people in the world, this is really something i want to fix.

The stares i get during school, the times we don't talk, times when you guys are whispering something behind my back.. You act like i don't see it, but i see it all. Of all people, i would expect you guys to talk to me about it. We used to be able to talk about everything. Every little detail that was bothering each other we'd talk about that. So why is it that now things are changing..?

Nothing seems to be making me feel better about this situation, and even music is having a hard time trying to cheer me up, and to those of you who keep updated on my blogs, music is the #1 priority of my life.. If music can't seem to make me feel happier, then i guess i'm pretty much stuck on sadness for a while..

As the quote says "God decides who steps into your life, but you decide who leaves, who stays, and who you refuse to let go". Apparently in this case, you guys are choosing to leave me, but i'm the one that refuses to let you guys go..

~mp3 Taio Cruz-- I Just wanna know~

Hella random, and has nothing to do with what i've been writing so far, but today a bunch of people were playing this game called gay chicken, which is where two people get their faces as closeee as they can without backing away, and the one that backs away first loses. Well GAY chicken is where two guys play it haha. So today during break 2 people were playing (names not being mentioned) and one of the guy slipped up and LEANED into the other guy!! So basically, THE TWO OF THEM KISSED LOL! Hahaha this was a random portion but it was the funniest thing that happened all week LOL!

Damn CST testing.. Fucking waste of time taking a test just to make the school look good. We are always being enforced to try and do our best, but in the end it just benefits the school making it look better, but for us i really see no value at all.

So today was the 3rd day of testing out of 4, and i finished the section of U.S. History within the first hour.. Stupid being stuck in Senora Harmons class, and when i was in there, i couldn't do ANYTHING after i was done.. Testing ends at 11 am, but i finished at 8:30, so i had to sit there for 2 and a half hours doing NOTHING. She said we couldn't use our ipods, so i had to lie down on the side of my head trying to listen, and by the time i got up, my neck was aching like hell. UGH damn it all.. So again i'm comp. tech right now, "learning" our new assignment, and i'm bored beyond belief since i spent an hour sleeping, and the other hour drawing random shit lol.

So An Nguyen is a jerk, because my friend texted him because she was bored, and now he would rather talk to HER more than me because he says i'm not nice. FAGGGGGGOT!


Woot my birthday is next thursday! I'm PLANNING on throwing a party on saturday the 9th, but my dad is being such a douche lately that idk what to do.. He says I can have a party at one point, and the next he says i can't... wtf is his problem?! i have a birthday ONCE every year, and last year i didn't even do anything, and now he says i can't have one.. don't worry, i WILL have one =]

Haha jaine and i are big bang fanatics!! haha you know you liked that music vid of your lover jaine =] ONE DAY the both of us will go to korea, and we'll try to make Seungri fall in love with you, and we'll ask him if he can make a "strong baby" version 2 and put you in it this time! hahaha. We still gotta make that youtube video!! Get together and practice singing like the gold ol' days hmm?

Haha the pic you see right here is what cristin d. magat and i did yesterday on the computer. Pretty sexy huh? Like i said, boredom kills.


Ok start of the week! yayyyyy school -__- Last week was by far a great week! No stress, no drama, just happy happy happy. THISSS week.. Let's see what is coming up this week: Finish of the star testing tuesday and wednesday, probably going to take the chem quiz this week since we didn't do it last week, HISTORY TEST TOMORROW, which i do not care for seeing how i have 101% in the class lol.. probably going to be a math test this week, knowing i'll fail because i bomb every fucking test in this class since my teacher is this stupid romanian who's a nervous wreck and can't talk 2 fucking sentences without laughing.. -__- i guess other than that, this week is going to be alright.. OH and are there any spanish speakers out there who are willing to tutor me?!? i think i'm on the verge of getting a C in this class.. damn i hate spanish.. if i had a vietnamese class i'd be in vietnamese 10 or something.. Damn i am so stuck on big bang right now. "Lies" keeps replaying through my head over and over hahaha.

Recap of this weekend =] Went to the mall with a group of the TNF kids on friday (should i rejoin?!?! i'm really starting to become persuaded into joining now because of all you guys hahaha.) At the mall.. An went around searching for a single pair of jeans in like 2 stores, and while we were in those stores he went AROUND the store like 5 times trying to find the jeans lol.. I swear this fool shops more than any girl i've seen. AND YOU OWE ME 10 BUCKS FOR HELPING YOU PAY FOR YOUR JACKET!! freakin fool gave me 20 bucks to pay for his shirt cuz it was "supposedly" 20 bucks, so he goes out of the line to stand with his girlfriend, and i'm standing in line about to pay, when the amount came out to $58 while i had like 40 in my hand.. stupid faggot!!! AND YOU CALL ME A JERK?!? I COULD'VE JUST PAY FOR MINE AND LET YOU SUFFER!! >=O . So at the mall, went around a lot, made fun of An =] and did a lotttt of gossiping at stuff hahaha. Damn these kids are great. Love these people.

Saturday I was SUPPOSED to go to prom but i couldn't go cuz my mom was being an dick, so i was stuck at home all fucking saturday doing NOTHING. Sunday went to church and got to hang out with the TNF kids. Fun class haha. And my teacher gave me money for doing a good job in the class!! Hell if my regular school did that then i might actually try LOL!

So now it's monday, and i'm sitting here in my comp. tech. class, doing nothing because i did the lil paper thing on friday, but today CRISTIN DANIELLE MAGAT is not here today, so i'm sitting in this whole row by myself.. so sad.. Oh well at least I have trevor, brittany, and eunnie =] Ok i think i'm done with this post. Damn i love blogspot haha. An, you should get a blogspot! so much better than the myspace blogs lol. Oh and speaking of which, did you people know i'm giving my SIDEKICK to this fool for a week?? Yeah he wanted this phone, so i'm being a nice person and letting him borrow it for a week while i get his blackberry. i swear ima fuck you up if you scratch it bro!!

Oh yeah! My birthday is coming up! May 7th peoples! Shoot i'm gonna be 17! one more year until i'm an adult. Shit i don't wanna grow up T.T

"Doing stupid things with my favorite friend. Crying or Smiling, such usual days are my best treasure."

I can't even begin to express how it feels to have such great friends. This week has probably been one of the happiest weeks of my life. From the start of monday up till now, there have been nothing but smiles, laughter, and joy. When my gift for my meimei came for her, it felt really good giving a gift like that to someone special, and the reaction I got back when she opened it made it all worth while. Knowing that I have people in my life for me to be able to do this for makes me feel so grateful. When a friend needed help, and I was there to help, getting the thanks and appreciation back is completely impossible to try and put into words.

When I was feeling down about certain things, many came to help and brighten my day, so with that how can my day be bad, despite the way I've been feeling? Nothing feels better knowing that you have a friend, than actually being a friend back, and feeling the warmth of it. This blog may be really cliche, but I just can't get over this happy feeling that has been flowing in me for a while. I really couldn't ask for better people in my life, and this week even my crazy pysco dad couldn't get to me.

I feel so blessed to even be able to experience something like this. Not everyone can be as lucky as to be able to have friends like this. Even meeting half the people I've met is probably harder than winning the lottery. I don't think life can offer much more for me than what it's already given me up till today =]

It is finally friday, and I am at school during first period sitting next to Cristin D. Magat,and we are supposed to be doing an assignment but here I am instead just sitting here messing around and blogging. =] So yeah, good week good week! I haven't had a week like this in a very long time! I have like 3 tests today that I should be studying for, but oh well. They're so easy since I have an A in these classes haha.

Freakin thanks to MEIMEI I have the song "because i'm stupid" by SS501 ACCOUSTIC VERSION stuck in my head. I've been singing it like non stop this whole week! Damn lol.. This is what korean music does to me I suppose. Well hey I'M A SINGER so that's what i do =]

WOW I think I have A.D.D. seeing how I can't concentrate on a thing for more than 5 mins lol. I'm supposed to be doing an assignment about ethical issues in technology, but I can't even write 4 sentences lol.. Copying and Pasting is your best friend! Holy crap I just realized that on the paper it said that we needed 400 words! I should be doing this lol.. but then again I haven't done a single project in this class except for maybe one, but I still have a 100% in the class LOL! I'm just THAT asian haha.

Oh you guys like the new blog?? Well if you do, then you can go and thank my MEIMEI or DONGSENG for the great work =] I can never figure out which one is better meimei or dongseng lol.. freakin chinese and korean all mixed together hahaha. Damn school is gay.. They block off like every site known to mankind now! I used to be able to go to playlist.com, even though it sucked, but at least it had music. I used to be able to go on Facebook and Myspace ANDDD Youtube, but now everything is gone. Literally everything that was the word game or fun or relates to any of that is blocked lol.. Man bullshit! At least I still have blogspot lol!

CRISTIN DANIELLE MAGAT IS A GOLD DIGGER

Ok so I just realized that as I'm writing my blog, I don't have a tab that lets me change font color, but CRISTIN MAGAT right next to me is blogging too, but she has a hell of a lot more options than I do, so now I'm wondering wtf is wrong! If anyone knows the answer to that then please help because google is being a little douche right now. OHHHH JK I FOUND IT!! damn I was on the edit html one when I should be on compose! DAMN that was like how many posts gone by without color??!?! that's retarded haha.

one more time when I say this, CRISTIN DANIELLE MAGAT IS A GOLD DIGGER!

Haha I just realized what a fun blog post this is, and how extremely random it got =] I wish I had more weeks like this because this week I couldn't help but smile and be happy despite the fact that I think I'm going to fail spanish and that I have a shit load of tests in one day, BUT WHO'S COMPLAINING?! =]


This post is going out to all the people that have helped me with my crazy life for the past few weeks. Things have been really rough, but because of you people being mentioned in this blog I feel like this was why I managed to stick this through.

First thanks goes to An Nguyen. Fool you have no idea how much that has been going through my mind, not for days, but for months. Although the answer you gave me wasn't that... favorable, it at least was the closest thing I ever came across, and I really appreciate that. Who knew someone like YOU mr.thinkhesamodleandhasavoiceofanangel can be so sensitive towards stuff like this LOL. But thanks a lot bro. I really appreciate everything!

Next goes to Pia Redublo!!! Pia, no matter what has happened in the past, you're still always there to help me when I needed it. There were times when I thought things were completely over, but you're always there around the corner despite all the hard times, and still manage to help me through it. The hours of phone convos, venting, not many people would do that for me like you have. You have no idea how special it means to me to have a person like you by my side. BROTHER AND SISTER~!

Karen Shi~ You're the one that makes me smile for the most STUPID things ever haha. Despite how I've been feeling, you bring up the most random things to make me laugh and smile. And I especially like how you say your mom would appreciate me LOL.

Kevin and Chris Ho! You two.. I don't even know where to begin with you guys haha. No one could ever ask for better cousins! Even when I was going through with that big mess, you guys were there for me, willing to even take a fight for me. Who would even do that for me?!? You don't know How grateful I am to have you guys in my family. And Kevin gj on the gf haha. She's cute too ;] Don't screw up!!

Last but not least, KARI CHAN aka. MEIMEI~! You are just so.. wow.. Words can't even desribe how much you've done for me. You're always there to help me, and you never doubt me at all. A friend like you hardly comes once in a lifetime at all, and with me meeting someone like you is truly Gods' gift. Thank you so much for all you've done for me. If only my real sister was anything as close to as cool a person as you haha~

You guys have no idea how much you mean to me. And as corny and cheesy as this sounds, I don't know where in life I would've been without you guys coming into my life. Thanks so much for all you've done for me, and you all better know that I'll have your backs no matter what life brings to us.


Like the title says, fuckmylifeeeee. This spring break has been nothing but trouble for me since the start of it. This whole break, I've been getting nothing but SHITTTT from my parents. "Why aren't you doing your hw?!" - "How come you're just lazying around?!" etc. IT'S SO FUCKING ANNOYING!! I hate how I'm always trying my best, and to them it's like I'm doing nothing. And even as of right now, I'm talking to one of my best friends PIA REDUBLO about what is happening. Like I wish I can tell my parents even a quarter of the things I tell her and a few other people. It's sad, and right now I'm talking to her about it SOOOO loud wishing my parents would hear it.

My parents always go on saying how I'm not responsible, and how I'll never amount to anything. They always say how I'll fail in life and how I can't do anything in the future. Seriously for those of you who know me, do you guys really think I'm going to fail at life? PIA and KARI of all people know how much I try, and how much time I put into my schoolwork, and my parents think I do shit. They always ask me how I never talk to them about stuff, and how I never talk to them the way I talk to my friends, but helllllo!? Isn't that asnwer pretty obvious?! I would NEVER in my life talk to them the way I talk to my close friends. I didn't tell that about my girlfriend(ex), drama, inside life, and I never plan to tell them. But the meaning of this blog is for them to hopefully read this. For today in 11 hours I will be at the library with Pia studying, and I will leave this open, hoping that they will read this, to even get a glimpse of how my life is.

My parents have no idea how much crap I have to go through with my life. They never even take a second to try and put themselves in my shoes for the slightest bit to even think about what I have to go through. Hopefully if they read these blogs, they will get a hint of what is happening. I don't care if they read this, because everything that's happened, happened. All in the past, behind me, so even if they say anything they can't change it. I'm so fed up with this, and thank god my dad blew up on me, when I was on the phone with Pia. I'm so glad one person got to see the side of my dad that he would try to cover up by acting like a good father around my friends. Maybe reading some of these will be good. They get to see a side of my life I've been keeping from them for the past 16 years. So today I will be at the library later and I'll leave this on. PRAYING that they will not be BLIND and miss this. Done blogging now. THANK YOU SO MUCH PIA FOR SITTING THROUGH ALL THAT WHINNING AND VENTING!!! I couldn't have asked for a better friend than you =] and my mom says friends aren't worth it.. FUCK THAT!


when you laugh so hard you feel like throwing up! Yesterday was one of those days that I laughed until tears started rolling down my eyes. I seriously love these people. Our old crew got reunited with an exception of a few people =[ But nonetheless it's one of those days that I'll remember for a while!

Annie, Reyna, Dusin, Justin, Jimmy, omg you guys.. HAHA Manly girl you didn't change at all annie!! Cue was seriously insane. We took like only ONE good picture out of how many?! But that was so fun lol. And I like how we all spoke viet half the time and Reyna didn't understand because we were talking bad about people at the area hahahaha! OH the scary looking koreans! They were maddogging us the whole time. Scary.. And the crepes! OMG those were beyond good. I like how we lost your dad annie and dustin, and we went around frantically looking for him when he was in his car LOL! Also how we went down to the underground parking lot area and started YELLLINGGG even though there was a mess of people down there HAHA! After that went to eat ice cream at this place, and we ordered TWO things because we thought it was going to be small, but turns out the shaved ice was a fucking mountain! 6 of us couldn't even finish it LOL! Then Annie and Reyna saw this chinky waiter who they thought was cute, and kept trying to take a pic of him haha! Then lil Justin went up to the guy and was all "THEY WANT A PICTURE WITH YOU" or "can I have a bottle of water? JKJK" HAHAHA! hilarious. Gotta love these people right here =] Then we went to Annies house and chilled for a bit till I had to go home.

Then today I went to my cousins house and that was hell of a fun time haha. Played COD 5, then wii, and then played the LONGEST hide and seek game everrr. Chris went to hide while kevin and I helped the lil kids find chris (cuz we couldn't find a good spot but we knew where Chris was haha). Lil kids went around for AN HOUR trying to find him when he was in the cabinet in the bathroom LOL. Freakin hilarious. I love this weekend so much. Having all these people here make my life so much more fun and happy. Idk what I'd do without all these people =]

Lastly, MEIMEI YOUR GIFT IS COMING IN THE MAIL LOL! Had to take it back to add something special, and thennnnn forgot again mail doesn't run on weekends so I gotta wait till tomorrow LOL! SORRRRYYYYYYY that it's coming beyond late..


OKAY to this week started off really good on MONDAY lol.. The lil feud that was going on finally ended, and I'm really happy with that. The NEXTTT day, things started going to an endless spiral down the tube! I checked my SAT score, and they were FUCK. No joke, it was beyond bad. I dropped so many points that is like dropping from an A to an F-... So gay.. but THANK YOU TO JESSICA PAN who showed me the site that said class of 2010 only need to send in scores they want to. I FREAKIN LOVE YOU!!

ANYWAYS, yesterday was my chem test, and I fucking failed! I doubt I was the only one, cuz looking around the room during the test, I saw like 3/4 of the room staring off to space with this blank look on their faces lol.. Stupid chapter 17.. heat transfer or steam w/e! UGH! I hate chemistry!! And my grade is low enough, that I might get a freakin C!! I'll never be a fucking scientist, so why do I need to know this shit?! Honestly.

Tomorrow is thursday, and it's the passover mass at church! Freakin Co Kim had to RANDOMLY pick me out of the other students in the class to have to go up in the alter and do the ceremony thing.. WHY ME?! At least I got 3 other people with me lol.. But still WHY ME?!?! I don't want to do this lol!! UGHHHHHHH hate how I get picked on randomly just cuz I'm the oldest in the class =[

So sisters bday is coming up, and we get to go to dland, and I get to bring bestie!! BESTIES DAY OUT HAHA~ haven't had that in a 9384798732 years! That's probably one thing to look forward to, and OH the look on meimei's face when she opens my present LOL. Can't wait for that either ;]


SOOO much better than I've been feeling for the past week!! This is a sign for the start of a very good week =] AHHH So happy hahaha!

Start off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEIMEI~! 14 years in the making haha. Sorry my present is going to arrive really late. I forgot the mail didn't run during weekends, and I ran out of time trying to get last min stuff, so my bad =[ But hey when you get it, it will be super cool cuz it's from me! hahaha! YOU BETTER LIKE IT! CUZ YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON I'VE DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS FOR!

This feud that has been going on for the past week HAS FINALLY ENDED! I feel so much better, and the two of us can start things fresh. It's ironic how someone else made themselves look really bad while trying to meddle into our problem lol.. HEY not my fault! I didn't tell that person to go around telling lies and in the end having it come back and SMACK that person in the face haha =] so it's all good.

UGH SAT scores come out tomorrow.. that's probably one bad thing because I know I did hellaaaaa bad. I think I'll just not look at it lol.. That way I can't feel bad if it's so low and have it ruin my week, as well as my spring break next week.. Speaking of that, how come Ayala is so late with our spring break?! Everyone already had theirs, but we didn't even start yet. Bullshit if you ask me..

Ok done here. I feel refreshed, and ready to get going with whatever I have left to go with this week so I can RELAX next week haha. again HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEIMEI! Hope you have a good one, and be waiting for my gift to arrive haha =]


Are you freakin kidding me?! Just when I thought that I cleared this up between us, some other shit has to come between it?! That peace hardly lasted for 15 mins! I tell you that I wanted things to end and I thought we were actually cool. Then turns out some bitch goes around telling you I want to fight? What the hell is this?! I just told you I wanted things to end, does that honestly mean I want to fight you afterwards?! NO!! This is seriously gay to no end. So now I'm the person getting shit started about me now?! I'm so freakin pissed to no end right now. I just want this to all be over, and right when I thought that happens, someone has to meddle their way into business that wasn't theirs, and fuck it all up. This is great, just fucking great. I'm tired of being told lies all over and have no one believe me. You can think that I want to fight you all you want, but I don't. I'm ending all of this as of now. I don't want anything to do with it anymore. From here on out I'm not going to even bring up this topic anymore. W/E else you hear about me in the future idc. I know it's not true cuz I'm dropping this subject. I don't even want to hear any more lies being told, cuz I'm done with this mess.


Really funny. Immature lil prick. Can't handle things the right way, but rather gotta be a tough guy and handle it by trying to outnumber me? That's pretty pathetic seeing how you and I both know I can kick your ass if it were just you and me, and because you know that, you have to get a whole mess of people huh? You're fucking pathetic if you ask me. You think I'm spreading a rumor when no one knows what you're talking about! Even the person supposedly in this with me doesn't know what you are talking about! Fucking stupid as shit!

I swear I've never met a bigger dick in my life. You think you can act all quiet in class and expect people to try and care? No! They're tired of asking "what's wrong" only to have silence being returned back to them. No one even knows wtf you're talking about, so you're pretty stupid. If you were a real man, you'd talk this over with me face to face, one on one, without having your whole crew there. Makes you look like a fucking wuss, knowing you can't fight your own fight.

You can go on and tell people w/e you want. See if I fucking care. I know that I'm telling the truth, people in your own fucking class know that I'm telling the truth too. Fucking stupid. Can't be like a man but instead play this through like a 3 year old. Pathetic piece of shit. You don't want this to be over? Then guess what, it's not going to be over. Not by a long shot. I thought we were close enough friends that you wouldn't go to an extent like this, guess I was wrong, fucking wrong. You wanna play like a little prick, fine do it. I'm not gonna stoop to your pathetic level.


To start off, I freakin hate this holiday to no end. I'm gullable enough and adding on a day where people tell lies all day, I think you can do the math lol..

UGH I hate the freakin drama! I hate how people can't take a freakin joke and has to go to such an extent. Seriously when someone tells a joke, IT'S A FREAKIN JOKE. There is no truth in it, and of all days today is april fools! Get a grip on yourself! Again trust issues being brought up. What is this?! I poured my heart out and more. I told you everything, every little bit of the truth, and still you don't believe me. I'm not going to prove to you or anyone that I am telling the truth. If you wanna be a lil dick and be mad or sock me in the face w/e. First off let's see you try. Second, I know I'm telling the truth when I'm telling the freakin truth! If you don't believe me then fine, be mad at me, but not at someone else who had nothing to do with it. It's stupid and shows a lot of immaturity. Especially ignoring someone when they try to call you throughout the whole freakin day.

I'm tired of telling the truth to people and wind up having them telling me I'm lieing to my face. You don't know how sorry I was, trying to explain myself countless times. Countless times calling, and knowing that you answered but hung up the damn phone. I went through the whole afternoon feeling hurt and regretful of what I did, and it would've done us both a hell of a big favor if you bothered to respond to me. Especially not seeing you for a week, and wanted to mess with you a lil bit, seriously dude.

I'm tired of caring for people who dgaf for how you feel back. I'm tired of being called a liar when I'm telling the truth. Whatever. I'm over it. I don't care anymore. I have so much crap to deal with in my life, and having this added on?! hell nah. If you don't want to talk about it, then fine, we won't. We'll just let this go on the way they are now, everyone being hurt all the time. Happy?