Damn honestly I don't think I've felt this out of it since forever. My mind has not been focused on anthing today, or for the past few days actually. I just seem to stare off into space for the longest time, and everytime I go home I just wanna go to sleep until the next day. Idk what's going on with me, but what I can say is that things are not normal, at least for me anyways..

For the past few days, I feel that I've been drifting away from certain people. Family or friends I'm not going to mention. Normally this sort of thing wouldn't bother me, but what it seems like is that I'm drifting away from people that are close to me, and that's really what's eating me up inside. I really hate the fact how you make a friend, and then literally the next day they treat you as if they've never met you before. It hurts for reals! I'm getting tired of opening myself up to people and letting them be a part of my life, but in the end they just throw that away. Honestly what the fuck is that right? I'm only a human being, not some toy that you can just throw away when you're tired of me. True friends wouldn't do that to me. If those people were really my friends, they wouldn't throw away all the laughs, jokes, tears, sadness that we've been through yaknow? Like shit honestly this thing that's happening is starting to make me have a whole new outlook on EVERYBODY, exception of a few. Ugh my mind has been going crazy trying to figure out what to do. I've been losing sleep, not doing homework, drifting away from my little sister, parents, seriously what the fuck I really don't want to be suffering like this. If any of you have read my pervious posts, you can all see pretty clearly that my life is not exactly the simplest life, and now I have to deal with this shit? I'm sick and tired as fuck with all this. I guess you really can't judge a book by it's cover..

Look guys I'm sorry if I sound like a whiny lil bastard right now, but this has been eating at me for quite some time now that I just feel I gotta get it out. For those of you who took the time to read this, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Looks like you are the ones who actually care, and for that I thank you. I'll be updating more in the future, and hopefully after I get this mess cleared up, my future posts won't be so emo haha! Till then!

-Brandon


This week has actually been one of the nicer weeks of my life. Recently got my SAT score, and I'm not too proud with that, but hey all I gotta do is re-take it right? Besides that fact, things have been quiet. None of that usual drama me and the gang usually face. None of the long parents lectures. So overall I guess I'm pretty content with my life right now =]

Lately been focusing a lot on my music. Singing, (far too much if you ask me), piano, and now trying to learn the guitar. Idk I guess music is just a way for me to get away from it all. Not many of you may know this, but I sorta have this stuttering issue, but when I sing, that problem seems to go away. It's really weird really. But lately I've just been singing and singing and singing non stop as if the world might end tomorrow and I'll never sing again. Naturally this SHOULD be a good thing for a person, but to me, idk. Let's just say things being happy doesn't always stay that way in my life.. But hey let's not think about that =] My other blogs have been kinda depressing, so let's not have this one like that haha!

I'm planning on starting this thing on youtube, sorta like a singing thing with a couple of friends, wanna join us then hit me up! We need people who can play instruments since none of us are that good haha. Hopefully that'll get us somewhere cuz I really do enjoy singing a lot. Times like this where I wish time would just stop yaknow? I don't normally feel like this, hardly ever actually, so hopefully my life will make an exception and just stay for a while.

Well anyways just letting everyone know about what's going on in the future. If you're interested, be sure to hit me up on that youtube thing!

-Brandon


I don't know what it is, but it's just one of those days that for some reason you wake up mad. Idk what it is! I just feel like I wanna punch the wall or something but idk why.. But w/e the reason, I really wish I could figure it out..

I guess today started off as any other day. Just going off to school like any other day. Sitting through the same classes again. Seeing the same people. So why am I so upset this particular day? Well if I knew the answer, I probably wouldn't be feeling like this.. Or maybe it's just that one person that I keep seeing everyday that makes my blood boil? I'm not going to name who this person is, but for the people who care enough to read this, and are the ones who know me like a book, then you probably know who I'm referring too. Normally this person doesn't really get to me, but idk what it is, for some reason this person just sticks at me today.. Having my friends tell me stories of how he thinks of me, or how he's just being an inconsiderate bitch, idk but that is probably the reason I'm upset.. I mean for christs sake, I hated this guy for how long now, I don't even know, but why is it that I'm still trying so hard to befriend this person? I guess the real reason is because I'm doing it for a friend.. a very close friend of mine.. If my friend wasn't associated with this person, I wouldn't even give a fuck for that person and my life wouldn't be in total turmoil right now. However I'm forced to try and keep myself sane, well not forced, but something is holding me back, and telling me that I should be a good friend and keep quiet, rather than completely telling the shit outa him.

How long this feeling will last idk. How long until i finally had enough and explode, idk. But what I do know is, I'm tired of trying to be friends with someone who hates my guts for a stupid ass reason, and I regret ever speaking my mind, and trying to help out a friend, but in the end get that dumbass back in my life. Honestly I don't know why I do these things, but people tell me that it's the right thing to do. As for myself I don't really know anymore.. Maybe I'm just too kind and giving in to whatever shit people tell me to do. The real question is, should I start doing things for myself, but risk hurting a friend? Sorry guys, but the answer is no. I'm not the kind of person to let my friends suffer for my own sake. If I have to, then I'll bare with it. If it means my friends being happy, and me going through this mess, so be it. I know I sound like a whiner now, but this venting thing really helps me out. The very few time that I spend on this really clears my head. I apologize for all the stuff that you might not give a fuck for, but for those of you who actually took the time to read through this, I thank you =]